Fear

Fear is one of those things that we like to avoid. So much human energy is spent in trying to avoid fear. We work to pay our bills so that we won't starve or be homeless. We are careful when investing emotionally with people never going too far in in case we get hurt. The list goes on and on. Fear rules our lives. Fear set in for me today. I really believe that this is where God wants me right now, preparing to go to Russia but I'm scared. I embraced fear today. I lived in the weird middle ground of trusting God and feeling the fear of the unknown. I cried today. I believe that I am following God and I believe that if He wants me in Russia He will provide but I know there will be moments when I hurt. There is this Jewish story about a father that is teaching his son not to fear. He tells his son to climb up on the first step and jump. The son obeys and the father catches him. The father tells the son to go up to the second step and jump. The son obeys and the father catches him. The process is repeated for the third, forth, and fifth step. Then the son goes up higher jumps off and the father moves aside and the son falls on his face. The father says to the son "That will teach you." The son learned about life both love and pain. "Listen, O Israel, the God of love and the God of fear are one." Fact, God loves us. Fact, we experience pain. Russia is going to be a great experience but it will have its painful moments as well. I fear the times when I will ache for the familiar. Times when I will be lonely and scared. Times when I will not know what is going on. Preparing even seems like such a daunting task, raising money, filling out forms, getting insurance, supplies, plane tickets, visas, and on and on and on. Fact, I am excited. Fact, I am scared. Fact, God is good. Fact, he will let me fall to learn. Maybe the cure for fear is to embrace that we will get hurt and stop avoiding it.