Blame

In Psalm 86 David cries out "The arrogant are attacking me, A band of ruthless men seeks my life-men without regard for you. But you oh God are a compassionate and gracious God slow to anger abounding in love and faithfulness. Turn to me and grant me mercy."

I will be honest when things go bad I tend to turn to God and ask Him why He did this to me. I blame Him for letting this happen to me. The Psalmist knew better. He knew that bad things happen on earth and that when they do God may not be the cause. He reminded himslef of who God is, how God acts toward him and how he should act toward others based on God's nature.

I am rebuked.

Practicalities

This is something I never thought I would find myself saying but I am tired of shopping. There are so many things that I need to take with me from clothes to meds for a first aid kit to rope for laundry needs. I have spent hours trying to find tall warm boots and wool socks online because the stores no longer carry them being out of season. I have researched what is the best type of thermal underwear to buy and how one should really dress in Russia based on style and weather. I learned that the government turns the heat on and then turns it off so even when it may be 15 degrees outside it will be 85 degrees inside. This changes how I dress. I think I get why Jesus said not to make our treasure what is on earth. It really doesn't fill. I am a red blooded American girl and like every red blooded American girl I like to shop. if I am feeling down I go to Goodwill (my way of treating myself without breaking the bank) but no wonder rich people are so unhappy too much of a good thing turns to dust in your mouth. I am so glad there is a joy that lasts! Rejoice with me in this moment that Jesus is our joy! Just take this moment as your eyes are scanning these words to thank God that He is our joy.

God's mission

In my quiet time today I was reading about Joseph. The story goes that when Joseph was bought by the Egyptian God blessed everything that the Egyptian official left in Joseph's charge. This way God gave Joseph favor but also exalted His own name. It got me thinking that in whatever God wants us to do God will speak. Joseph did nothing. His brothers sold him into slavery, he was bought by the Egyptian, and God blessed what was put in Joseph's charge. I keep thinking that I have to save people. I am so scared sometimes when I realize that I am supposed to witness for Christ. I think frankly I am shy and I don't want to be unliked or to make someone mad. I feel so ashamed and to a certain extent I should be. The gospel is offensive but it is worth telling and people need to hear it and I need to speak it. But I think I put too much pressure on myself. I think that it is my job to make people believe that God is great. That's not my job. God can show Himself to be great all I need to do is tell them and let God back Himself up. I think I don't trust Him to do so. God I repent of making too little of you. You called me to be a missionary and instead of relying on you to equip me to be a conductor for you to show your power through I have taken the task into my own hands and failed. I cannot save and I cannot convince. Please prepare the hearts of those I will meet in Russia. Please prepare my heart and my mouth to speak truth with love and boldness and wisdom. Let me speak when I should speak and be silent when I should be silent and most of all speak yourself to move the hearts of the lost toward belief in you. In Jesus name, Amen.