First month in KZ

Well All,

I have been in Karaganda for almost a month now. Traveling here for the most part went smoothly. When we got into the airport in Karaganda we met a woman. I will call her A. She spoke a little English and told us she was interested in learning more. She is now one of my students twice a week!

The first week was as to be expected. I was tired and homesick. I don't mind telling you that I called my mommy at least once a day. Soon one of my roommates, who was here last year, introduced us to some of here friends and now we barely have any free time! It's lovely. I feel so welcomed here.

Life here feels a bit like having your very first apartment right out of college in the poorer side of town. Somedays you have water somedays you don't. Sometimes when you have water you also have warm water and sometimes you don't. The people in the apartment above us are renovating so that means we hear hammering and drilling 4-5 days a week and plaster randomly falls out of who knows where. We take buses everywhere. They are an experience in themselves. I am still getting the skill of busa riding down. it is a bit like surfing. You have to plant your feet just right and shift your weight when the bus turns, takes off, and stops. The drivers must feel like they are in a video game because they accelerate really quickly and then slam on the brakes for the next stop, let people on, and then take off again. There are usually anywhere from 20-45 people on buses made to hold 14-15 people. Last night on the way home I was the last one to get on the bus and was standing so close to the driver that ever time he shifted gears he elbowed me in the bum.

Classes have been great. My students think I am crazy but say they like it. We studied personality types yesterday and I was deemed the talkative one. Anyone surprised? In the same lesson one of my students was trying to clarify the meaning of the vocabulary word sensitive, as in someone who gets their feelings hurt easily. He asked "You mean like a womanizer, you know, someone who goes out with lots of women?" My response was "No, not quite." Molly and I started a Swing dance class because I just can't do without dance! It will take a few months but soon I will have some decent leads! The lessons are in English and the students seem to like it. We also have baseball on Saturdays and we volunteered at an orphanage in town last week. I hope to make that a weekly thing. It is so wonderful seeing their darling faces. Its a bit like a cattle drive which is like what it was back home with my niece and nephews so my heart is full of joy!

Lessons I have learned here:

1) When you buy strawberries from a Baboshka at the bazar be very clear you only want some of her strawberries NOT all or you will spend half of your weeks grocery budget on some very delicious strawberries.

2.) Don't buy cheap mystery fruit. There is a reason it is cheap!

3.) When you get stared at on the bus just look the other way.

4.) Don't try to explain the difference between eunuch and unique to a class full of high-schoolers.

5.) Cookbooks written before 1885 are useless here.

From Russia to Kazakhstan

Well Folks,

I just found out that the school I would have been teaching at in Russia is not accepting teachers so I will be teaching in Kazakhstan instead. I am still trying to wrap my head around it all. Anxiety is welling up in me thinking about trying to travel on my own, dealing with police that are ALWAYS looking to make a bit of extra cash by making up bogus fees! I am so glad I am a Christian and I serve a God who knows all things that could and will possibly happen. I am trusting God to send me to the right city in KZ and work out all of the living situations. There are so many unknowns and I might as well accept that I WILL get ripped off a couple of times before I learn how to get around all of that jazz.

Blame

In Psalm 86 David cries out "The arrogant are attacking me, A band of ruthless men seeks my life-men without regard for you. But you oh God are a compassionate and gracious God slow to anger abounding in love and faithfulness. Turn to me and grant me mercy."

I will be honest when things go bad I tend to turn to God and ask Him why He did this to me. I blame Him for letting this happen to me. The Psalmist knew better. He knew that bad things happen on earth and that when they do God may not be the cause. He reminded himslef of who God is, how God acts toward him and how he should act toward others based on God's nature.

I am rebuked.

Practicalities

This is something I never thought I would find myself saying but I am tired of shopping. There are so many things that I need to take with me from clothes to meds for a first aid kit to rope for laundry needs. I have spent hours trying to find tall warm boots and wool socks online because the stores no longer carry them being out of season. I have researched what is the best type of thermal underwear to buy and how one should really dress in Russia based on style and weather. I learned that the government turns the heat on and then turns it off so even when it may be 15 degrees outside it will be 85 degrees inside. This changes how I dress. I think I get why Jesus said not to make our treasure what is on earth. It really doesn't fill. I am a red blooded American girl and like every red blooded American girl I like to shop. if I am feeling down I go to Goodwill (my way of treating myself without breaking the bank) but no wonder rich people are so unhappy too much of a good thing turns to dust in your mouth. I am so glad there is a joy that lasts! Rejoice with me in this moment that Jesus is our joy! Just take this moment as your eyes are scanning these words to thank God that He is our joy.

God's mission

In my quiet time today I was reading about Joseph. The story goes that when Joseph was bought by the Egyptian God blessed everything that the Egyptian official left in Joseph's charge. This way God gave Joseph favor but also exalted His own name. It got me thinking that in whatever God wants us to do God will speak. Joseph did nothing. His brothers sold him into slavery, he was bought by the Egyptian, and God blessed what was put in Joseph's charge. I keep thinking that I have to save people. I am so scared sometimes when I realize that I am supposed to witness for Christ. I think frankly I am shy and I don't want to be unliked or to make someone mad. I feel so ashamed and to a certain extent I should be. The gospel is offensive but it is worth telling and people need to hear it and I need to speak it. But I think I put too much pressure on myself. I think that it is my job to make people believe that God is great. That's not my job. God can show Himself to be great all I need to do is tell them and let God back Himself up. I think I don't trust Him to do so. God I repent of making too little of you. You called me to be a missionary and instead of relying on you to equip me to be a conductor for you to show your power through I have taken the task into my own hands and failed. I cannot save and I cannot convince. Please prepare the hearts of those I will meet in Russia. Please prepare my heart and my mouth to speak truth with love and boldness and wisdom. Let me speak when I should speak and be silent when I should be silent and most of all speak yourself to move the hearts of the lost toward belief in you. In Jesus name, Amen.

Lists

I have about ten different lists of things I need to do. I have my work list for my job of projects that are coming due. I have my school list of projects, papers, and tests that I have to research, write, and study for. I have my graduation list of people I have to see, tests I have to take, and forms I have to fill out. I have my grad school admissions list. My prep for Russia list, my daily errand things to do list, and my list of lists goes on. In all this chaos I cry out that I am only one person with only 24 hours in a day! Can you relate? That was a rhetorical question because I know you can! We are so busy! I am taking a minute of timeout and I find myself asking where is my list of praise for the things God has provided to bolster my faith in His providence and timing and divine appointments? Where is my list of things I have already accomplished? Where is my list of victories already won? Where is my list of important things in my life like friends, family, health, and my savior? Right now I am going to list the big stuff that truly will matter in 5 years when this weeks chaos is forgotten and I am on to knew things to stress over that won't matter 1o years down the road. Ready? Here is my list...
My wonderful friends and family that have loved me for who I am warts and all,
My God who invited Himself into my world and then invited me into His,
My beautiful niece and nephews (I know I already mentioned family but they are so cute I had to mention them again!),
My obedience to God's calling for me right now in this moment,
My health. Everything is beating and pumping like it should,
My capacity to experience joy, love, fear, hurt,

I am honestly struggling to come up with other things that are really vital and important. Basically I have my relationship with God and my relationship with people. If I don't graduate God still loves me and is proud of me. I still succeed in God's eyes because I am following His will. If I get to Russia or not is really up to Him. The list of important stuff is pretty small unfortunately I spend a rather small amount of time sweating the big stuff and a large amount of time sweating the small stuff. So here is my plan. Do the best that I can, trust God for the rest, and know I am loved.

P.S. Take a moment to make your own list of what really matters and add that I love you to it.

Fear

Fear is one of those things that we like to avoid. So much human energy is spent in trying to avoid fear. We work to pay our bills so that we won't starve or be homeless. We are careful when investing emotionally with people never going too far in in case we get hurt. The list goes on and on. Fear rules our lives. Fear set in for me today. I really believe that this is where God wants me right now, preparing to go to Russia but I'm scared. I embraced fear today. I lived in the weird middle ground of trusting God and feeling the fear of the unknown. I cried today. I believe that I am following God and I believe that if He wants me in Russia He will provide but I know there will be moments when I hurt. There is this Jewish story about a father that is teaching his son not to fear. He tells his son to climb up on the first step and jump. The son obeys and the father catches him. The father tells the son to go up to the second step and jump. The son obeys and the father catches him. The process is repeated for the third, forth, and fifth step. Then the son goes up higher jumps off and the father moves aside and the son falls on his face. The father says to the son "That will teach you." The son learned about life both love and pain. "Listen, O Israel, the God of love and the God of fear are one." Fact, God loves us. Fact, we experience pain. Russia is going to be a great experience but it will have its painful moments as well. I fear the times when I will ache for the familiar. Times when I will be lonely and scared. Times when I will not know what is going on. Preparing even seems like such a daunting task, raising money, filling out forms, getting insurance, supplies, plane tickets, visas, and on and on and on. Fact, I am excited. Fact, I am scared. Fact, God is good. Fact, he will let me fall to learn. Maybe the cure for fear is to embrace that we will get hurt and stop avoiding it.